Tag Archives: awkward

Remember when I wanted a Hollywood writer to help me?  


I sure as shit didn’t mean it this way.

Imagine the shock to my system when I pull up at the house of the person I THOUGHT I was dating, only to have another car pull up behind me and a woman come out asking who I was. I shit you not, the conversation went like this

“Who are you?”
“I’m Traci, who are you?”

“I’m Rachel, do you live here?”

“No, the guy I’m dating does.”

“Funny, the guy I’m dating does too.”


“Well, we should go say hello!”

Literally the worst night of my life EVER.

I came over after the movie because he asked me to. Apparently she had a “idea” something was up and decided to come over too. He had no idea she was coming. He knew I was coming.

We walked into his house, and she’s got heels on. She’s clicking on the floor behind me, and I see him and just toss my keys on the counter and he’s like “are you wearing heels?”

I said “no, but she is.”  And she came around the corner and his face went WHITE.

I demanded an explanation, and she did too. He was silent for a minute and I turned around and said “fuck this I don’t need one” and walked out. I sat in my car a few minutes then decided NO. I deserved something. So I went back inside and went to the back porch and lit INTO his ass while she sat there.

I told her to feel free to jump in, and she was like Nah girl you got this.

So I continued. And I sat there while he had a smoke and I was like. I met your kid. Did she? So your kid knew about BOTH of us.

I asked her “how long have y’all been dating?” Clearly not giving a shit if I made him uncomfortable.  She and I began chatting because up till now she’s quiet.

Turns out he met both of us the same week. Started sleeping with her first, me in March. We began comparing dates and turns out he had full weekends even though we both thought he was working or out with family.

But all the chatting still made me mad. It was like she was itching for ME to leave first. So by this time he has gone to the bathroom, I guess hoping we would both leave.

I’m looking for my baseball jersey, and I’ll give it to this chick, she had balls and just walked into his walk in closet while he was in the bathroom and found it for me.

I told her, didn’t you ever notice the shampoo I left? She’s like, nah, I never showered here, but I did find your hair in bed! I said, oh I saw you texting him but I thought you were (his daughters) mom! (They have the same name)

So we both go sit back outside cause we are bent on making it awkward cause by this point IDGAF.

My birthday next month? Hers is a WEEK AFTER.

I said OH. He was talking about planning a weekend away for me as a surprise!

She says OH. Really. Me too!!

I say “there was one weekend he booked us a hotel and we spent the night in downtown Deep Ellum and it was so romantic”

And she’s like He booked y’all a room? Did he stay at your place ever?  I say, hmmm… just once. She’s like, he stayed at mine all the time. She says “did he FB friend you cause he never did me”.  I’m like, he friended me after the first date!  She wanted to friend me on Facebook after this and I’m like thanks but no thanks that’s too much

SO THEN. I manage to get him  in his bedroom face to face.  To which he says he’s sorry, and I’m like FUCK THAT DUDE YOURE BEYOND SORRY.

I was so ragey I couldn’t even CRY.

And I flat out told him, if you had just been fucking honest with me from the get go, this wouldn’t be so painful and hurtful and I wouldn’t want to beat the fuck out of you.

I told him “the only reason I haven’t fucking punched you in the face RIGHT NOW is because you have to work in the morning.”

So then I pack up the shit I’ve left at his house (FUCK ME I LEFT MY FANCY DARTBOARD IN HIS GARAGE)

And I chuck it in my car, and come back inside to this chick STILL HERE.

I tell him, “I’m gonna just go. Drive safe tomorrow and get your shit straight.”

I get in my car, and peel out. I try to drive but I end up stopping cause the floodgates opened like WHOA.

Moral of the story kids, never make a wish on shooting stars, and never ask for a Hollywood story.
Next time I’ll tell you the story of how I exacted a revenge 3 years in the making.