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To be fair,


I do meet a few pretty good guys in the online dating thing.  So its not all horrible.

Example. Im dating someone I call Yankee.  Hes adorable, and after barely meeting me, he took it upon himself to make the entire week of my birthday special.  He knew I was going out of town to a drag show and meeting Sharon Needles, so I would be working the whole week up until I left.

He arranged to have a birthday gift delivered to me EVERY DAY OF THAT WEEK.  Of course, with amazon and the USPS being what it is, one was late, but that doesnt matter.

And then Im seeing another guy Ive named Jager.  Thats for his fondness of the Jagerbomb. We havent made it much past the meeting at a bar for drinks stage, but hes always been super sweet and makes me laugh, and a pretty good kisser from what Ive gathered thus far.

I still pop into my accounts from time to time to filter the weeds out and look for gems worthy of mocking.   That I have no shortage of from past experiences.    But right now Im gonna have some pizza and beer, and sleep.



Just some more bullshit… 

First of all.  The multiple monosyllabic messages are unacceptable.  Does that make me a bitch?  Possibly.  Do I care?  No.  If you can’t even have intelligent text conversations on an app meant to make women WANT to meet men, then I have dismal hopes it would be any better in public. 


Unparalleled Terror


As I lay in here in bed, contemplating about what I want to write, Im listening to the rain, and thinking of someone.   And how absolutely terrified I am that Im thinking of him.   We’ve been dating for a few weeks, consisting of a few amazing dates and an amazingly fun Saturday night spent away from home just with each other.   Neither of us have broached the subject of exclusive, but I know hes not seeing anyone else, and even though I started out seeing someone at the same time, its kinda fizzled because in part, Im a horrible person who didnt make plans to see him again after sleeping with him.

Its so hard to put into words what I want to say, and I just need some damn hollywood screen writer to make some words for me.  Hes cute, hes fun, hes amazing in ALL aspects, and I even like his dogs.   I want more with him, but Im nervous about what more entails because the time I got more, I ended up with a gorgeous engagement ring that cracked after 3 weeks, and a broken engagement not long after because the trappings came off and the real person came out.

Speed is NOT my friend, but I dont want to lose this one.  Motherfucker, Im 40 years old, and still having teenage anxiety about boys.


Do overs and pushiness


Do overs- You know when you meet someone a long long time ago, and you think you hit it off pretty good, and then never hear from them again only to have them pop back up in the merry go round of “matches” that OKC gives you?   Yeah, that happened.   Not sure yet if its good or bad.

Pushiness- Match with another random person who chats you up and all of a sudden it gets sexually charged, and before you know it hes asking you to send selfies of you in bed.  What the fuck man?

Or am I the pushy one when I message someone who clearly has a habit of visiting my profile but never saying anything so I message them and its like pulling teeth to get responses.

UGH.   Dating sucks.

In other words, Green Day does NOT.  I went to see them live last weekend, and holy fuckballs, was it amazing.  Fireworks, fire, commentary, participation, a great blend of songs from old and new, and an amazing 2.5 hours of loud raucous punk music.


Writing is therapeutic.


Random disclaimers. Im an online dater.  Im a full time medical professional.  Im a full FULL time mom of teenagers. One of whom is LGBTQ.    You may read about one, 2 or all of the above statements at any given time.  But for now Im focusing on the dating.

So, explain to me this.   Is online dating always this difficult?

AND WHATS WITH ALL THE GODDAMMED DIRTY BATHROOM MIRROR SELFIES WITH THE FLASH ON??  For fucks sake, learn to take a proper selfie OUT OF THE BATHROOM.  Id rather see a drivers seat selfie in your oakleys and baseball cap than your smudgy mirror with the open toilet in the background.

Does it make me a player if I have more than one dating profile, and rotate through them periodically?   Although, Zoosk…you suck.  I thought you were better than you were 5 years ago, alas, I was wrong.

POF, OKC, Tinder, Bumble, and ummm…oh, I dabbled with Clover,but it was stupid.

Ive been told many times Im aggressive, or bitchy, or intimidating.  How in the hell is that even possible?  Im intimidating because I know that I want a date with a guy who has a job, a car, and is at least taller than me and doesnt smoke like a freaking freight train?  And Im even flexible on some of those points if there is a good reason behind it.    But I refuse to answer just a “Hi” or a “Mmm, sexy.”   Theres just no reason to be so dumb.

OK.  Cut scene for now.

Dating, and all that entails.


Bear with me as I begin the process of retooling the former purpose of this journal into the current purpose.    I probably wont edit or delete my prior entries.  But I may make reference to the incidents in them.

Im single.  I work full time, and I raise 2 teenagers, one of which is agender.  I also have an adult kid in college.  And Im a 5 year veteran of the online dating process.   I thought I had reached an end when I got engaged, but alas, no.  That didnt  go as planned.

So now, Ill be attempting to devote more time to putting my thoughts and experiences to screen, and seeing how it goes.

First up for tomorrows post.  Valentines Day, and why I am uncomfortable with it.

The IRS sucks balls.


Have you ever had to fight the IRS to get your rightfully owed money?  Me neither till this year.  Even though Im divorced, and have been for almost a year, they are still taking MY refund to pay off a bill my ex accrued in 2011 because of his shoddy filing number crunching sneakiness.  UGH.

And my poor little girl is already suffering the ill effects of being my daughter.  Her sister didnt start it till she was about 15.  Shes 12 and already having the soul crushing, eye melting, vomit inducing migraines that come with her period like me and her sister do.  I feel so awful for her.  Mine didnt start til my early 30s.  My oldest started it when she was about 15-16.  Now 12??  So not fair.  ANd honestly, Im wondering if a trip to discuss BCP might help her headaches and cramps.  Ill be damned if a 12 year old suffers through the shit her 38 year old mother does.

A little over a year from the last post…


Holy fucknuggets.  The last blog entry I wrote had me down.  But it wasnt anywhere near the end as I thought it was.  It got worse.  I wrote in March that my BF at the time had broken up with me. Which of course killed me, dead to the floor.  I guess I allowed myself to suffer and panic for a while, but I picked myself up for a while.  I ended up dating a few people, sleeping around, finishing my last semester of school, having my house sold out from under me at auction, going through 2 different divorce hearings and never getting shit accomplished.  Watching my daughter graduate high school, and sending her off to college was literally the 2 highlights of last summer for me.

I began my summer the day after my daughter graduated.  My sister took my younger children to stay with her over the summer, while my brother came to my house and helped me pack up my entire almost 15 years of marriage into a 10×10 storage unit and what I could pack in my car, and my bed came with me to his house where I crashed for the summer.  I began my coveted internship, but had to give it up because it was unpaid, and the commute was a killer.  It was on the other side of DFW as opposed to 4 miles away from my ex’s house (as was my prior plan).  Luckily I fell into a paying internship 10 miles from my brothers house that allowed me to begin saving money and get my own apartment.   Of course, this whole time, no contact from the ex, whom I had filed divorce from in January.  I graduated with my Associates degree in August, and 9 days later I think, I was officially divorced.  I was free, educated, and moving on up in the world.

Ive been in my apartment for a little over 6 months, and while its small, its mine.  Every single stick of furniture, dish in the cabinet, towel in the bathroom, and piece hanging on the wall is MINE.  I have a home with my children, and Ive done it all on my own.

More importantly, Im happy.  Im even more happy because I met someone who I love deeply, and dearly, and honestly, didnt even know I needed him in my life until I found him.  Sure, since I moved here, I dated people, even had a “relationship” with one guy, but never NEEDED to date.  I was just bored, lonely, whatever.  But then I met him.  And I shit you not, from day one of meeting him, it was like I knew he was the one.  I didnt need to date anyone else, I dont need to look anymore.   I met him in February while I was recovering from a nasty case of strep throat.  But the kicker is that he lives in a town close to where I just MOVED from.   This is probably where I admit that Im an online dating veteran, and boy I could tell you some stories, but thats neither here nor there.   What the ultimate point of this entry is, is that I made it.  I survived.  I was down UNDER the rocks that make rock bottom.  That barrel they always talk about people scraping?  I didnt even have one to scrape.  My rope was so ended and frayed it wasnt anything more than a whisper of fiber on the breeze.  I was down, out, and fucked 18 ways to Sunday.

But now Im back.  Im kicking ass, Im taking charge, and letting the world KNOW that Im back and fucking fabulous.