Category Archives: Uncategorized

You can’t google that…


Or maybe you can.  How the fuck do I know? 

I’ve been seeing this amazing guy for about 5 months. But it’s an unconventional sort of relationship because it’s a LDR.  But we decided to move in together and we are making serious future plans.  

But neither of us have said THE WORD.  I wanted to but I chickened out so bad.  It feels GOOD to be in love.   How the fuck do you go about spilling it the first time?  I even fucking googled it.  “How do you tell someone you love them?” 

Surprisingly, google was no damn help.    I got such helpful advice like “Over a romantic dinner!” 

Because that helps a lot when he’s across the country. 

How about “call them and talk to them all night!”

Negative, ghost rider.  My ass needs to sleep to get up to go to work, and I ain’t 18 anymore. 

“Take them on a long drive”. NOPE.  My guy spends the majority of his days driving.  I sure as fuck don’t wanna tell him I love him on a drive. 

“Song dedications”

Do people still do this shit?? I can’t even consider this one with a straight face.  

I guess in the end all the thinking makes me over analyze it and I should just do it.  But then of course I worry that he doesn’t feel the same.  And then I go back to wondering if I should say it.  

Fucking love, man.  It’s ridiculous.  But it’s also pretty good.  


To be fair,


I do meet a few pretty good guys in the online dating thing.  So its not all horrible.

Example. Im dating someone I call Yankee.  Hes adorable, and after barely meeting me, he took it upon himself to make the entire week of my birthday special.  He knew I was going out of town to a drag show and meeting Sharon Needles, so I would be working the whole week up until I left.

He arranged to have a birthday gift delivered to me EVERY DAY OF THAT WEEK.  Of course, with amazon and the USPS being what it is, one was late, but that doesnt matter.

And then Im seeing another guy Ive named Jager.  Thats for his fondness of the Jagerbomb. We havent made it much past the meeting at a bar for drinks stage, but hes always been super sweet and makes me laugh, and a pretty good kisser from what Ive gathered thus far.

I still pop into my accounts from time to time to filter the weeds out and look for gems worthy of mocking.   That I have no shortage of from past experiences.    But right now Im gonna have some pizza and beer, and sleep.



Just some more bullshit… 

First of all.  The multiple monosyllabic messages are unacceptable.  Does that make me a bitch?  Possibly.  Do I care?  No.  If you can’t even have intelligent text conversations on an app meant to make women WANT to meet men, then I have dismal hopes it would be any better in public. 


Unparalleled Terror


As I lay in here in bed, contemplating about what I want to write, Im listening to the rain, and thinking of someone.   And how absolutely terrified I am that Im thinking of him.   We’ve been dating for a few weeks, consisting of a few amazing dates and an amazingly fun Saturday night spent away from home just with each other.   Neither of us have broached the subject of exclusive, but I know hes not seeing anyone else, and even though I started out seeing someone at the same time, its kinda fizzled because in part, Im a horrible person who didnt make plans to see him again after sleeping with him.

Its so hard to put into words what I want to say, and I just need some damn hollywood screen writer to make some words for me.  Hes cute, hes fun, hes amazing in ALL aspects, and I even like his dogs.   I want more with him, but Im nervous about what more entails because the time I got more, I ended up with a gorgeous engagement ring that cracked after 3 weeks, and a broken engagement not long after because the trappings came off and the real person came out.

Speed is NOT my friend, but I dont want to lose this one.  Motherfucker, Im 40 years old, and still having teenage anxiety about boys.


Do overs and pushiness


Do overs- You know when you meet someone a long long time ago, and you think you hit it off pretty good, and then never hear from them again only to have them pop back up in the merry go round of “matches” that OKC gives you?   Yeah, that happened.   Not sure yet if its good or bad.

Pushiness- Match with another random person who chats you up and all of a sudden it gets sexually charged, and before you know it hes asking you to send selfies of you in bed.  What the fuck man?

Or am I the pushy one when I message someone who clearly has a habit of visiting my profile but never saying anything so I message them and its like pulling teeth to get responses.

UGH.   Dating sucks.

In other words, Green Day does NOT.  I went to see them live last weekend, and holy fuckballs, was it amazing.  Fireworks, fire, commentary, participation, a great blend of songs from old and new, and an amazing 2.5 hours of loud raucous punk music.


Writing is therapeutic.


Random disclaimers. Im an online dater.  Im a full time medical professional.  Im a full FULL time mom of teenagers. One of whom is LGBTQ.    You may read about one, 2 or all of the above statements at any given time.  But for now Im focusing on the dating.

So, explain to me this.   Is online dating always this difficult?

AND WHATS WITH ALL THE GODDAMMED DIRTY BATHROOM MIRROR SELFIES WITH THE FLASH ON??  For fucks sake, learn to take a proper selfie OUT OF THE BATHROOM.  Id rather see a drivers seat selfie in your oakleys and baseball cap than your smudgy mirror with the open toilet in the background.

Does it make me a player if I have more than one dating profile, and rotate through them periodically?   Although, Zoosk…you suck.  I thought you were better than you were 5 years ago, alas, I was wrong.

POF, OKC, Tinder, Bumble, and ummm…oh, I dabbled with Clover,but it was stupid.

Ive been told many times Im aggressive, or bitchy, or intimidating.  How in the hell is that even possible?  Im intimidating because I know that I want a date with a guy who has a job, a car, and is at least taller than me and doesnt smoke like a freaking freight train?  And Im even flexible on some of those points if there is a good reason behind it.    But I refuse to answer just a “Hi” or a “Mmm, sexy.”   Theres just no reason to be so dumb.

OK.  Cut scene for now.

Dating, and all that entails.


Bear with me as I begin the process of retooling the former purpose of this journal into the current purpose.    I probably wont edit or delete my prior entries.  But I may make reference to the incidents in them.

Im single.  I work full time, and I raise 2 teenagers, one of which is agender.  I also have an adult kid in college.  And Im a 5 year veteran of the online dating process.   I thought I had reached an end when I got engaged, but alas, no.  That didnt  go as planned.

So now, Ill be attempting to devote more time to putting my thoughts and experiences to screen, and seeing how it goes.

First up for tomorrows post.  Valentines Day, and why I am uncomfortable with it.

The IRS sucks balls.


Have you ever had to fight the IRS to get your rightfully owed money?  Me neither till this year.  Even though Im divorced, and have been for almost a year, they are still taking MY refund to pay off a bill my ex accrued in 2011 because of his shoddy filing number crunching sneakiness.  UGH.

And my poor little girl is already suffering the ill effects of being my daughter.  Her sister didnt start it till she was about 15.  Shes 12 and already having the soul crushing, eye melting, vomit inducing migraines that come with her period like me and her sister do.  I feel so awful for her.  Mine didnt start til my early 30s.  My oldest started it when she was about 15-16.  Now 12??  So not fair.  ANd honestly, Im wondering if a trip to discuss BCP might help her headaches and cramps.  Ill be damned if a 12 year old suffers through the shit her 38 year old mother does.