This is why online dating is frustrating.
So kids,sit right back and Ill tell you a tale. A tale of how it took me 3 years to get it, but I got revenge.
And the funny thing, is that I never even planned on any type of revenge.
Grab a beer, and hold on to your butts. Cause this may be the cruelest thing Ive done in my dating life. And I honestly dont care.
Way back when I moved here in the summer of 2014, I knew no one, and had no clue about the dating scene. I got onto OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish, and poked around. Hey, whats that, this guy liked me? OH HEY, he sent me a message! Now, I should have known with the low percentage match and the odd pictures I probably wouldnt get along with him. But hey. I was willing to try. We met at a local wing/beer place, had a few drinks, and he was nicer than I expected. Went back to his place, made out some, and then he made THE MOVE. You know the one, the one where its obvious he wants to get laid, but youre like sorry dude, not happening, then you have to make excuses and shit because fuck that, I aint sleeping with you the first date.
I went home after apologizing, and him saying it was OK. So I figured it was cool.
NOT EVEN REMOTELY COOL. He ghosted. I texted him to say I had fun, and we should go out again. HE GHOSTED. I aint even gonna lie, I was pissed. And hurt. And upset. So I didnt go out again for a while. I read profiles, I messaged people, and I saw him on the site. I ended up dating another guy for a few months, and other things happened, and before I knew it, here we are in March of 2017. THREE YEARS LATER.
Im seeing a guy (Joey the Cheating Bastard from the last post). Havent slept with him yet but Im pretty sure that I want to. BUT we arent exclusive so my ass is merrily poking along and swiping left and right on profiles. When BAM. This familiar face pops up.
I nearly fell off my chair when I saw that. So I decided to play along. Sure as shit, the dude remembered my name, our date, and that he never called me back. I agreed to give Do-Over a chance, but I wasnt gonna go busting my ass for it. We chatted on and off for a few days before I finally decided to meet him for a drink again. And he practically dropped his jaw when I came over. (3 years will change some stuff on a person.) He couldnt stop staring and trying to touch me. Of course 3 years makes a person change more than just physically too. I demanded to know why he ditched me, and I got some bullshit stories about it being too soon, and this and that, and whatever. I ended up going home that night with a few more questions than answers but I had a rotation of guys I was seeing at this time, so I wasnt too worried. The next few days were some days of chatting, and he ended up buying me this tshirt with skulls and roses on it, and gave it to me. Said he saw it and thought of me, couldnt wait to see me again. I wasnt gonna turn it down, so I accepted it happily. Its a cute shirt! The next night he asked me out to dinner, and I said sure. We ended up going to his place, and having sex, and honestly, the sex wasnt even that good. But then I did the unspeakable. The horrible thing. The terrible thing.
I ghosted on his ass. I waited 3 years after he ghosted on me to bang him like a screen door in a hurricane, and leave him half naked in his bed and never spoke to him again.
And I dont feel the least bit guilty.
The very next night I had lots of awesome sex with the soon to be Cheating Bastard.
And now I have neither Do-Over nor the Cheating Bastard, but I do have my self respect.
I sure as shit didn’t mean it this way.
Imagine the shock to my system when I pull up at the house of the person I THOUGHT I was dating, only to have another car pull up behind me and a woman come out asking who I was. I shit you not, the conversation went like this
“Who are you?”
“I’m Traci, who are you?”
“I’m Rachel, do you live here?”
“No, the guy I’m dating does.”
“Funny, the guy I’m dating does too.”
“Well, we should go say hello!”
Literally the worst night of my life EVER.
I came over after the movie because he asked me to. Apparently she had a “idea” something was up and decided to come over too. He had no idea she was coming. He knew I was coming.
We walked into his house, and she’s got heels on. She’s clicking on the floor behind me, and I see him and just toss my keys on the counter and he’s like “are you wearing heels?”
I said “no, but she is.” And she came around the corner and his face went WHITE.
I demanded an explanation, and she did too. He was silent for a minute and I turned around and said “fuck this I don’t need one” and walked out. I sat in my car a few minutes then decided NO. I deserved something. So I went back inside and went to the back porch and lit INTO his ass while she sat there.
I told her to feel free to jump in, and she was like Nah girl you got this.
So I continued. And I sat there while he had a smoke and I was like. I met your kid. Did she? So your kid knew about BOTH of us.
I asked her “how long have y’all been dating?” Clearly not giving a shit if I made him uncomfortable. She and I began chatting because up till now she’s quiet.
Turns out he met both of us the same week. Started sleeping with her first, me in March. We began comparing dates and turns out he had full weekends even though we both thought he was working or out with family.
But all the chatting still made me mad. It was like she was itching for ME to leave first. So by this time he has gone to the bathroom, I guess hoping we would both leave.
I’m looking for my baseball jersey, and I’ll give it to this chick, she had balls and just walked into his walk in closet while he was in the bathroom and found it for me.
I told her, didn’t you ever notice the shampoo I left? She’s like, nah, I never showered here, but I did find your hair in bed! I said, oh I saw you texting him but I thought you were (his daughters) mom! (They have the same name)
So we both go sit back outside cause we are bent on making it awkward cause by this point IDGAF.
My birthday next month? Hers is a WEEK AFTER.
I said OH. He was talking about planning a weekend away for me as a surprise!
She says OH. Really. Me too!!
I say “there was one weekend he booked us a hotel and we spent the night in downtown Deep Ellum and it was so romantic”
And she’s like He booked y’all a room? Did he stay at your place ever? I say, hmmm… just once. She’s like, he stayed at mine all the time. She says “did he FB friend you cause he never did me”. I’m like, he friended me after the first date! She wanted to friend me on Facebook after this and I’m like thanks but no thanks that’s too much
SO THEN. I manage to get him in his bedroom face to face. To which he says he’s sorry, and I’m like FUCK THAT DUDE YOURE BEYOND SORRY.
I was so ragey I couldn’t even CRY.
And I flat out told him, if you had just been fucking honest with me from the get go, this wouldn’t be so painful and hurtful and I wouldn’t want to beat the fuck out of you.
I told him “the only reason I haven’t fucking punched you in the face RIGHT NOW is because you have to work in the morning.”
So then I pack up the shit I’ve left at his house (FUCK ME I LEFT MY FANCY DARTBOARD IN HIS GARAGE)
And I chuck it in my car, and come back inside to this chick STILL HERE.
I tell him, “I’m gonna just go. Drive safe tomorrow and get your shit straight.”
Moral of the story kids, never make a wish on shooting stars, and never ask for a Hollywood story.
Next time I’ll tell you the story of how I exacted a revenge 3 years in the making.